sorry that i loved you

i cannot denied that i haven't heal from pains.
i am missing those days.
i am missing the same person.
i am missing everything about the past one year.
i wish i could make it right.
it's so true that a person can easily be forgiven but not forget.
seems so hard to put down everything.
one month and four days already.
i still can't let go.


i told waijern something today and want to get help from her.
turn up she replied that she 's not going to help me because she found out that i am very stupid.
even pik kuan said don't help me.
friends,i need your supports.
even if you both don't want to me a hand,i will still find my own way.
=( i don't give a blame ....i understand you guys care and wanted to help me out.
for what am i doing,i hope i won't regret later.
let me do something that i think it's worth for now.
maybe few years later,when i refresh everything and look back myself through mirrow,
i might laugh at myself.
But i am not going to regret at least ,right now.
i may doing things that worsen my life for now.

i know friends care.
i know they are worried about me.
thanks for concern.
i can only say don't worry about me.
i will be fine.


That day someone called me and asked me to give up.
The person said,"bu ke neng le,siew ai,bu ke neng le,fang qi ba"
during msn time the person ask is he worth for me?
i don't know,i don't know who worth it or don't
i know you have tried hard to comfort me .
thanks,i really appreciate.
because of your bu ke neng,
it keeps on reminding me.
Are you supporting him instead of supporting me?
i really don't know.
do you know when i heard those words, i feels my heart cracked.
immediately tears flows.
i always ask myself not to think,always ask myself to forget.
but, when you really wants to forget,you don't even have to do hard,isn't right?

Or maybe i should put things down for a moment.
i don't know how is tomorrow.
life is too short.
life's never can easy.
i know my life much better than others.
peoples always take things for granted,greedy,just like me now.

i hope he would understand how my feels are.
although he might not knowing it for now.
i know one day he will.


for all that i have done to you,
i wish i could make things right.


i need a restart button.
please help me get one of it.
seriously i found myself a fool
i only know how to keep being an idiot.
of course i do know how to differentiate what is good and what is bad for me
but i am still doing those things that making me feels stupid.
He said i am not stupid.
then what am i?
what and who am i doing all these
i never blame anyone.
SERIOUSLY NEVER.

look at me now and what can you can see from me
STUPIDITY?

伤痕累累

已经不是原来的自己
骗不了大家
骗不了自己
其实我还没康复


我怎么了？
好想闭起眼睛，就这样不起来
永远都不要起来。

我
疯了

无所谓吗？

sick

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.
.
.
.
.
.
.


.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
i hate this feeling.
i hate to suffer this way.
i hate to be sicker.




i can't withstand the pain any longer.

東來東往-忘了怎麼哭

其实我很希望有个人懂我

其时，我很累了
其实，一直没有人懂我。我习惯假装坚强，习惯了一个人面对所有…
我不知道自己到底想怎么样
有时候
我可以很开心的和每个人说话，可以很放肆的；
可是却没有人知道，那不过是伪装，很刻意的伪装
  我可以让自己很快乐很快乐，
可是却找不到快乐的源头，只是傻笑。
  我不习惯把事和别人说，因为我不习惯别人用可怜的眼光看我。
  其实，我很珍惜身边的人，只是生活的压力让我善于遗忘，把那些记忆通过通遗忘
我以为遗忘可以让自己快乐起来…
  可是，我感觉到的却是更多的寂寞…
  黑夜来袭，周围的空气很冷…
  一个人坐在草地对着天空发呆…
  也不知道自己脑子里在想什么…
  怀念过去，仅此而已…
  其实，我也很渴望有一个人能懂我；能走进我的心…
  其实，我很累了，真的想放下所有…
  可是现实的压力只能让我背着这些慢慢走
我们不喜欢追逐打闹，却很想和以前一样活蹦乱跳
何时
我们让自己变得沉默 ，
却很想多了解身边所谓的朋友

我们喜欢在很静很静的深夜，关了灯让寂静把我包裹，却又害怕黑夜…

我们也会偶尔的和朋友聚聚，
或开心
或失望

偶尔，也会寂寞的拿起手机翻开通讯录，一遍一遍的… 却不知道该打给谁。

没有人

朋友那么多，知心的却很少，
过客那么多，记住的却很少，
没有人知道我的难过，
没有人知道我的失落
没有人知道我的无助
没有人知道我的寂寞，
没有人知道我的不开心，
没有人知道我的不快乐，
没有人懂我理解我心疼我。


如果有一天，
我因为某件事而哭泣，
有人会关心会心疼吗？
又有谁会给我肩膀让我依靠？
又有谁会理解我心里的伤痛？
如果有一天，
我因为你而哭泣，
你会怎么想怎么做？
如果有一天，
我在你的面前哭泣，
你还会不会紧紧抱着我？
为我擦干眼泪？
让我坚强？
让我可以不孤单？
不知道从什么时候开始，
我也开始变的感伤，
只知道:
我活的好累。
身边的人,身边的事,
有时候真的无法去面对，
每天都重复着同样的生活，
有了一定的规律，
…枯燥…
…乏味…
…郁闷…
…伤心…
…无奈…
…难过…
…感伤…
我也常常一个人来来往往，
不知道什么时候，
我也习惯了一个人，
喜欢一个人独处的感觉，
不知是时间变了，
还是:
自己变了。
不知道什么时候开始，
我也爱上了安静，
喜欢上了寂寞，
也许
我一直认为我是一个坚强的人
但是现实中的我却没有自己想象中的坚强，
如今
我喜欢把泪藏在心底，
不让别人看见，
我要微笑着去面对任何一件事，
就算是那笑是多少的虚伪，


有时候突然从梦中醒来，
不知为何有种想哭的感觉，
一切都是那么的莫名其妙，
一切都变的让我感到那么压抑，
身边的人来了又走了，
只有我一个人留在原地，
我找不到属于自已的方向，
多么希望我的下一站是幸福，
可是我却找不到任何出路，
我埋着头，
感受身边人身上淡淡的味道，
为什么都带着淡淡的忧伤？
我希望生活可以变的简单，
让我可以不那么累，
但是现在的生活也并不复杂，为什么还是让我讨厌？内心很脆弱，表面很坚强，面对身边的是是非非，我只有保持沉默，心里好难受，好压抑，好苦，好痛，好累…觉得心里好委屈，凭什么你们都要这样对我？


总是告诉自己要坚强，可是眼泪却总是不争气，每次想你的时候，心里有说不出的滋味，幸福并心痛着，快乐并心酸着，觉得自己好堕落，好无能，好没用，真的好想逃避这样的生活，想要离开，想要解脱，可是我不能更不可以。


我过的并不快乐，更不幸福，不是我不知足，我拼命的想幸福，可是幸福却离我越来越遥远。我好想留住你，好想陪在你身边，可是现实真的好残忍


哭了，谁还会心疼？累了，谁让我依靠？谁会看到我伪装的痛？谁会了解我内心的伤？当我脆弱的时候,谁又会给我肩膀让我依靠？

错过

女生不懂
當女生一句話讓男生沉默的時候
男生不是生氣
而是深深的受傷

女生不懂
當看到男生一直快樂時
不是男生沒有痛苦
而是全部埋在心底

女生不懂
當女生為男生付出的時候
男生不是看不見
而是不善於表達

女生不懂
當男生挑剔女生不好的時候
在別人面前
卻誇的如天仙一般

女生不懂
當男生轉身的時候
女生看不到
男生眼底的悲傷和心理的淚和血

女生不懂
當男生失意的時候
永遠是孤獨的喝著酒

女生不懂
當男生在堅強的外表下
有時候是一顆異常脆弱的心

女生不懂
當男生悲傷的時候
永遠不會罵女生
是因為男生還深深的愛著她

女生不懂
當女生痛苦的時候
男生的心痛
永遠不會比女生少

女生不懂
當男生離開的時候
並不代表他不愛她
而是不想浪費她的青春和感情

女生不懂
當男生選擇成為過客的時候
男生的心中永遠刻著女生的名字

女生不懂
當男生裝傻的時候
不是忘記
而是在想如何給女生一個驚喜

女生不懂
當男生生氣的時候
不是因為不能承受女生的無理取鬧
而是因為被女生的話深深地傷害

如果一個男生真的愛一個女生
他的許多都是女生不懂得
男生對女生的尊重和愛
也不會比女生付出的少
因為男生承受的東西本就很多

男生的心不會比女生堅強
因為女生可以發泄
而男生卻隻能壓在心底
那傷很痛……

男生總想和你聊到很晚
因為這樣
你才不會有空和其他男生聊

女生永遠不懂
有時候男生接到你的電話
也是很不高興
因為他不希望你浪費話費

女生永遠不懂
男生為什麼會愛生氣
因為他認為這樣
你才能更在乎他
回味你們之間的溫存

女生永遠不懂
男生怎麼那麼愛吃醋
那是因為他愛你
而容不下一點
你給其他男生的溫柔

女生永遠不懂
為什麼男生愛抽煙喝酒
那是因為你老是讓他生氣
除了你和香煙
他不願去找別人哭訴

女生永遠不懂
男生願意為你東奔西跑
隻是因為愛你
見上你一面他會很開心

女生永遠不懂
男生會在很晚的時候
打電話給你
不是不信任你
隻是突然很想你
想聽聽你的聲音
想聽聽你說愛他

女生永遠不懂
男生會想要知道你的一切
想為你分擔事情
那是因為
他隻想要自己是你最親密的人

女生永遠不懂
當分手來到時
男生那堅強的語言後面
是多麼傷的傷痛

女生永遠不懂
分手後男生不是不痛
而是痛到連看到你就會無法自拔

女生永遠不懂
男生的愛是那麼深
一旦愛上就不能自已
隱瞞的那麼深
不要帶給你困擾
而自己哭泣

现在

我懂了

你会回来吗？

错过了

就不再回来

原来我

真的错过了

觉悟得太迟了

蕭亞軒(Elva Hsiao) - 錯的人(Wrong Person)

明知道愛情並不牢靠 但是我還是拼命往裡跳
明知道再走可能是監牢 但是我還是相信只是煎熬
朋友都勸我不要不要 不要拿自己的幸福開玩笑
但是做人已經那麼累 假惺惺的想要逃
在愛裡連真心都不能給 這才真的真正的可笑
愛得太真 太容易 讓自己犧牲 太容易讓自己沉淪
太容易 不顧一切 滿是傷痕
我太笨 明知道你是錯的人 明知道這不是緣分
但是我還奮不顧身

明知道愛情並不牢靠 但是我還是拼命往裡跳
明知道再走可能是監牢 但是我還是相信只是煎熬
朋友都勸我不要不要 不要拿自己的幸福開玩笑
但是做人已經那麼累 假惺惺的想要逃
在愛裡連真心都不能給 這才真的真正的可笑
愛得太真 太容易 讓自己犧牲 太容易讓自己沉淪
太容易 不顧一切 滿是傷痕
我太笨 明知道你是錯的人 明知道這不是緣分
但是我還奮不顧身

可能 在愛裡面這樣算笨
可能 永遠沒有所謂永恆
但是我 不願放棄這裡面一點點可能
寧願笨也不想要悔恨
愛得太真 太容易 讓自己犧牲 太容易讓自己沉淪
太容易 不顧一切 滿是傷痕
我太笨 明知道你是錯的人 明知道這不是緣分
但我還是奮不顧身
但我相信有點可能
我太笨 明知道你是錯的人 明知道這不是緣分
但我相信有點可能

words

i get it now.
i am over tired.
i need to keep back my steps.
days and nights,
i keep on forcing myself so hard,
reminding myself not to do stupid things anymore,
reminding myself not to think stupid things anymore.
reminding myself that dreams has over.
reminding myself that tears should not keep falling.
everything should be end right now?
i still can't believe this is what happening to me ...
and i should wake up.
nobody shall understands how i feels.
those pains...
words are killer ...
some words are killing me each times and you just don't realize it.
day by day,
maybe,
somehow,
 it could be possible,
i may get out of your life just like how you wish...
i don't know.
the only thing you left for me was memories that never can fakes away.
i can never blame anyone
this 1 4 7 8 10 14.
it will be the most memorable secret number between you and me.
there was so many first time between you and me before this.
checker
reversi
puzzles
tic tac toe
the feelings is different from others.
do you know that?
and so much more we haven't done it together...
unpredictable.
i can never beat fates.

so much more,
and not everything can be express in sentences.
i hope you would realize someday.
i hope i will realize someday too.

now,i should get out already.
i promised.

peeps.

everything back to normal as usual.
if you ask me whether i am ok or not and if i answered you a yes means i am making a lie.
seriously i need so much time to heal my wounds.
the answer that he gave me was so unexpected and yet painful
i can't force him harder and harder each time.
And my friends was right,there is no use if i keeps wasting time for something which brings nothing back to me
no matter how much i cries it still will be the same result that i never wants to.
is been already three weeks.
everyone keeps telling me i could find a better one soon or later.
but tell me where to get someone like him?
Don't ever tell me i deserve a better one..
i don't need it seriously.
and that's the sentence to comfort myself and girls out there.
yeah, love is complicated and till now i don't get it for real.
 i put all my effort so hard and it still don't work.
i want to make things clear,
i don't categorize love as my major part but,
i am serious on it.
who don't hope their relations last long forever?
i want that too ..just like fairytale stories?
every girls dream to be like Cinderella isn't?
so sad i am not the Cinderella anymore.
Last time i used to be like her,now?......
how much time i left before i die?
we can't predict our own future.
only God knows,i hope he knows that what i am waiting for ...
i don't give up easily.
bless me.




i know there's alot of friends out there are caring for me.
thank's alot my friends.
i know some of you.
really appreciate it.
don't worry about me and time still go on.
life's have to go on too


i have to praise someone here.
LOL
VICKY WAI
a very positive thinking girl
i love her personality sometimes.
i might can be like her but...
she is too good.
=)
she will meet with a guy who knows how to appreciate her.
Vicky,don't worry.
God is searching the perfect guy for you.


sometimes i feel myself so noob in everything.
especially in my studies.
now i understand what is the differences between SPM and STPM
SPM is like everything is there and you can prepare at least 90 % before you go and sit for the test.
there's always a scope for your papers.
when you sit for SPM examinations you feels everything was so hard.
once you turn your life in to PRE U form 6,you feels SPM is like nothing.
although few subjects was so familiar and the it maybe the subject  love the most during SPM time.
but now 360degree changed!
feels like dying?
teacher was right,
don't think form 6 life is easier.
nothing is easy ..
within this two years would be the most tough year for us.
there will be no scope for STPM.
not even a teacher can predict what would be the questions that may come out.
She is a very motivated teacher.
i saw her eyes wet when she gave her talk to few students.
now is already JUN
regret later?
i better grab my chance study just like others.
i hate to be the last ...
i really need that spirit back.
i will be back very soon...

hopefully i can make it