christmas wishes

never make wishes for Christmas day i suppose.
many years ago,i couldn't remember how old i am at that time.
i only remember those days with no worries.
that day,
my sister and i,both of us hanged our socks near the windows,
we made wishes for presents.
the next day,
we found out there is no presents in it.
we shouted and kept mumbling.
how come no presents if Santa do really exist?
those days,simple brain with innocent faces.
that's is the only day i made wishes to Santa.
tonight,
i moan to you silently,
i pray to you,
i hope HE would be fine.
i hope we would be fine.
i really hopes.

i loves them.
i love you.

hope was in dreams.

i told someone,
"think about yourself,
think about others,
think about what they said,
any decision will be yours"

"don't say you will take care of yourself as you are not even mature enough to take care of yourself,
do not blame anyone as i don't too.
respect others,
or please give a call on what time you are back,
this is what he said.

he is worrying about your health.
don't you feels a little pity on him?
he has alot to do.
rmb?
anyways,
we are one family.
even i work,
i got to do house chores,
forced to cook.
i know you will do it next.
but please, a call a day.
especially during late night.
i know you are big enough as you said.
i am your elder sister,
i have the huge responsibility to take care and care about you guys.
i had change compare to last time,
maybe you feel isn't enough.
i still, will do it.
till the day i leave the world.k？♥ "

pretty true i suppose,
i don't know what is on my mind now,
i feels miserable,
feels like crying out loud.
i feels like killing someone sometimes.
i am not criticizing about anyone,
i am not judging about anyone.
i feels..
i feels empty,transparent for a little while.
i don't say my life is lifeless,
but,odorless.
sometimes we are in uneasy condition,
you feels undirected.
this is how i am now.
i know,
friends are here for me.
even( he) is here for me.
still, thanks for all the advices
but,this is happening real on me and they would not just simply understand.
sorry to say that, they don't know what is real happening.
a big burden sometimes.
time flies and we are getting older and older.
how much can we do?
grey hair is growing,
wrinkles around the face.-i am not talking about myself but....someone who really love us a lots.
i can't hold my tears any longer.
i know i have to work very hard,be tough.
girls are fragile hearted,
even a stubborn old man will do.
so do i.
letting things go does not meant to forget.
i will not and i can't forget how things happened.
and i really blame on myself everything few times ago.
i am really afraid to meet people out there,
how much can i trust them?
someone told me
a close friend should not be trusted so much?
why?
life is so uneasy.
pray harder.
things would be better.



tears on flows.
=(

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