如果

如果笑能把一切都抹去
我，愿意

心很痛卻麻木得無淚

隨時光逝去，留下的只是淺淺的痕

哭了，沉默了
想放棄了，冷淡了
可是時間一過，卻又還是想念了
放不下，忘不掉，戒不了，走不開

當眼淚流盡的時候，留下的應該是堅強

dearest

小时候的我总是期待的站在门口等待他放工回家
我和妹妹两人见到他就会很开心 得手舞足蹈
有些时候我们都会有额外的小礼物，不管什么礼物都好
我的会是红色，而妹妹则是蓝色的
虽然这些东西现在都不在了，但那些画面会是这辈子最珍贵的
那些捶背的日子，骑在他背上玩骑马游戏永远都是最温馨的时刻 


现在长大了，我仍然会等他回来
只要那熟悉的引擎声传到我耳边，我就会乖乖的开门
现在长大了，有好多事都无法像从前一样 ，捶背的日子也少了
至少现在的我是幸福的
我知道他不会丢下我不管
不管他心情好与否，我都会陪着他

今天他主动的约我们逛街
他说：“早点煮饭，等下我要走街 ”
他是个大男人，脾气也不好
但好久好久他都没主动这样说了
现在回想起来，有他真好
虽然有时候的他蛮不讲理，固执
但我仍然爱他
今天的他又放话说：“以后老了，剩下我一个人的时候，这个小电饭煲可能对我有用”
我听了真的好心酸 
我真想亲口告诉他：
爸爸，我们不会丢下你
你一个人撑起这个家真的好难
虽然有好多事我都帮不了你，甚至给你增添了许多麻烦
对不起
等我再长大些，我会给你幸福
你的心酸我都放在心里
有时候想到终有一天你会离开我，我就会很难过，会流泪，会想没有了你我该怎么办
这个家就只剩下你一个人撑着，我很自私，我想你保护我们一辈子


爸，你真的消瘦了很多很多
以前的你吃至少两碗饭，而现在的你最多一碗也不到
你说胃口变小了，是因为压力吗？
看见这样的你我心疼，我却无能为力
要不是那一切的发生，或许今天的我们不会是这样

爸，我永远爱你

请珍惜你的家人
他们会在你最无助的时候给你力量
他们会是你的精神支柱
别等到失去了以后，才恍然的想要回头
那时候已经来晚了

我曾经遇过这样的人
孩子埋怨爸妈为什么忘了买吃的
孩子埋怨爸妈为什么不多赚点钱
孩子埋怨为什么爸妈总是爱叫他们做家务而不自己做
孩子埋怨爸妈每次唠叨，烦死人
孩子，请你记得你的爸妈并没有欠你任何东西
他们只想教育好自己的孩子成才有什么错
而你的气话，埋怨只会带给他们你看不见的失望与痛



我可以什么都不想要
就是不能失去他

谢谢你，让我拥有了你

26.10.2011

HAPPY DEEPAVALI TO ALL MY INDIAN FRIENDS. =)

I always lose to the one I care and loves.And I never tempted to fight back with them. I am not weak.
I really doing hard to maintain everything.
Nobody understand me.I have been searching for the one who understand the inner Siew Ai.
I found no one.And I give up on it.
Since that day,I give up.
Silly.
No one understands you better except yourself.
Sharing is good but not everything.Somehow you have to keep few words only for yourself.

眼泪的存在，是为了证明悲伤不是一场幻觉。

沉默，是一个女人最大的哭声。

女人有心事后，不想多说，感觉说话很累，或许是习惯了沉默，习惯了痛，习惯了安静。

当一个女人不理你的时候，其实她已经受伤很深！

 

让你哭到撕心裂肺的那个人，是你最爱的人。让你笑到没心没肺那个人，是最爱你的人。

泪

眼眶泛泪，我还是抵挡不了对你的思念
我知道这样不好，也知道自己仅有的不止这么少
我坚强着，努力的过没有的你的日子
有些事就是这么的理所当然
离开的人越多，我越害怕
 


Sometimes it's so hard for me to tell what I have been gone through.
Words. They can make someone have the biggest smile on their face, but they can also leave unseen scars in the heart.
Despair.

relief

Went for fringe cut.
I can't withstand my long fringe any longer.
I don't care if it's ugly .
It grows back fast compare to short hair cut.
I just don't want to have short hair.I strongly believes it won't suit me.

I know it's ugly.

You and me.

This is a kinda old song,
but the lyrics is very touching for me.
I know this song for quite a long time but I can't remember the name of this song.
Till I watched a show last night.
After that I turned into a crying baby =(
This song is old but it brings so many memories between she and me.
The day she leave us.
The last sentences she spoke to me.
The last hug she gave.
urgh! tears drop again while blogging.
It's been few years since the day she leaved us.
everything still clear on my mind.
I miss everything about her.
Even she never treat me like princess,but still I love her.
I keep this for myself for few years already.
Nobody can understand how I feels and you guys should be proud to have such a wonderful mother.
\
如果有再一次的选择，我不会成全你让你走
如果有再一次的选择，我还是要当你的女儿
如果有再一次的选择，我会告诉你我爱你
如果时光倒流，我会做一个听话的孩子
但我知道这一切都来得太迟了
我再也不能亲口叫你一声妈咪
我很怀念过去，有你的日子
我们虽不能一起生活，我不能陪你到老
我会记得你留给我的最后一句话
谢谢你留给我们的坚强
祝你一路顺风


放下你需要一辈子的时间那么长，
你走的那一刻，我以为最痛的会是我
原来不，是他
四年了，我还是不习惯

那一天知道你要走
我们一句话也没有说
当午夜的钟声敲痛离别的心门
却打不开我深深的沈默
那一天送你送到最后
我们一句话也没有留
当拥挤的月台挤痛送别的人们
却挤不掉我深深的离愁

我知道你有千言你有万语却不肯说出口
你知道我好担心我好难过却不敢说出口

当你背上行囊卸下那份荣耀
我只能让眼泪留在心底
面带着微微笑用力的挥挥手
祝你一路顺风

当你踏上月台从此一个人走
我只能深深的祝福你
深深的祝福你最亲爱的朋友
祝你一路顺风
那一天送你送到最后
我们一句话也没有留
当拥挤的月台挤痛送别的人们
却挤不掉我深深的离愁

我知道你有千言你有万语却不肯说出口
你知道我好担心我好难过却不敢说出口
当你背上行囊卸下那份荣耀
我只能让眼泪留在心底
面带着微微笑用力的挥挥手
祝你一路顺风

当你踏上月台从此一个人走
我只能深深的祝福你
深深的祝福你最亲爱的朋友
祝你一路顺风

I　ｍｉｓｓ　ｙｏｕ

Things you cannot control

Someone told me today that you're sucks.
I laughed not because I agree but is because I don't know what to respond her.

To be or not be.

To learn, is about sharing your knowledge.
To earn, is about giving with generosity.
To succeed, is about picking yourself up after falling.
To be wise, is about making the right mistakes.
To love, is about giving and not expecting nothing in return.

After our nearly one year and ten days story, I’m letting go.  
You let go a long time ago, and I realize that it is time for me to do the same. 
I’m letting go of everything I thought that we would become.  
I’m letting go of thinking of you every single day, more than once. 
I’m letting go of secretly hoping that we will one day end up together. 
I’m letting go of waiting. I have realized once and for all that I am not meant to be with you. 
You know how much I cared about you. 
I look back on our relationship and sometimes find myself wishing that it never happened.  
God has taught me so much about myself this past year. 
In hindsight, I consider our break up a blessing. 
But, despite the fact that I have been growing a lot, I still have a lot of healing to do. 
In order to do that, I need to tell you goodbye. 
With that blessing,I know I could meet someone else. 
Or I should say in this way, you deserves better.  
This is something I have to do for me, in order to love myself again, and someone else. 

This story shall come to the end. 
I am letting it go,for the real time. 
I am not missing,not hoping but forcing myself stop from falling.

何必在乎一个根本不值得的人 
他曾说过：何必这样折磨自己 
他说的对，回想起来，我想的每件事好像都在折磨自己  
至少，现在的我是清晰的 
有没有都好，我学到了很多 
不是每件事情都必须执着 
有些事你再怎么勉强，都改变不了他原来的结局 
有些人说做人该清醒点，而有的人说做人还是不要清醒的好 
换是以前的我，我会选择模模糊糊的过日子 
因为我怕痛，怕受伤害  
但今天我的选择会像他一样，勇敢选择清醒的走下去 
不为了什么，而是这本来就是人生必经的路 
人应该向前看的不是吗？ 
偶尔回头是可以，但不要停留的太久 
否则你就会被这世界淘汰 
人生短短数几十年，我们还年轻 
外面的世界很大，我们还没走完，岂能这样就放弃呢？ 
有些人选择离开就是离开了，毕竟我还会遇到下一个的出现
也有些人，是我知道不可能再碰面的 
就算可以，我也不会愿意，因为我不想伤害现在的身边人

You left me broken yet I still feel broken sometimes.

You left me broken yet I still feel broken sometimes.

你啊你

有些话，不是好听的就是真话
有些话，不是说了每个人都听懂
有些话， 是要留给自己和自己说的
也有些话是你这一辈子都无法解释
就像我，有好多话想对你说
可是我总有一种感觉说不出口，也不知该怎么说
第一次有这样的感觉，明明很强烈，却说不出那些话
我希望你能明白我，明白我对你，对这份感情更是认真
你就是你，不需要改变
我喜欢现在的你
不能饿的你
kic水的你
你知道吗？能看见你笑，其实就是一种幸福


现在的我很痛=(

Current Addiction

Hey 我真的好想你
現在窗外面又開始下著雨
眼睛乾乾的 有想哭的心情
不知道你現在到底在哪裡

Hey 我真的好想你
太多的情緒 沒適當的表情
最想說的話我(應)該從何說起
你是否也像我一樣在想你
如果沒有你 沒有過去 我不會有傷心

但是有如果還是要愛你
如果沒有你 我在哪裡 又有甚麼可惜
反正一切來不及 反正沒有自己

Hey 我真的好想你
不知道你現在到底在哪裡
你是否也像我一樣在想你

Story of the NIGHT,

It's over.
This was the last performance in school.Will never get back the same chance.How sad.
I feel so heavy looking at people that I shouldn't.
Not even a hi when I smile to you.
Who you think you are.
No,I should ask who I think I am.
I should hide isn't?
Your attitude is making me feel so sick.How can you be so cruel to me?
I am a normal person with feelings.
Please mind my feelings before you do anything to me.
Or you don't have to mind it because I will be leaving this place as fast as I could.



I didn't know they hate you so much.
She said you shouldn't.And
He said it's only one week to one month.You changed completely.
But after all,we are nothing.
I can see that you are still care for the one you love.
You still stick to the one you love.
You will do anything to the one you love.
Lots memories passed by and I couldn't wash them away still I am pretending.
You're great.And I am still silly.
Isn't stupid?
I meant me.
You chose to give up,I follow you by letting this piece go.

暧昧

要不是暧昧的开始，或许我们就不会在一起
谢谢你带给我曾经
最近的我一直反复的看着那些曾属于我们照片，甚至你留给我的chat log
是时候把一切都删除了，因为现在的你再也不值得我留恋
就算是一个人的生活，我也可以比你过得精彩
偶尔看着你们走在一起，我还是会莫名其妙的不知所措
虽然你们都没说出口，但我都看得到，衷心的祝福你们=）
现在的我或许还是有点放不下，但很快的我就会离开这个伤心地
重新的生活，又或许这样，没有你的影子我就不会留恋你
想起来，四个月有多了，好多事情都好像昨天才发生的一样
每一幕依然清晰，你的承诺，你的话
都过去了，即使你回来也会不到当初的我们
每一次的失败总有它值得学习的地方
我想我开始懂了。我当然不会恨你，不会讨厌你
甚至还会把你当好朋友，只不过你看来很不愿意
我还记得我们分手后的不久，我一个人到ktv，唱了那些不该唱的歌
我想你看不到我狼狈的样子吧，想起来还真傻
一个人在房里唱歌又怎能会快乐呢？
谢谢你的绝情带给我的死心
要不然现在的我也不会遇上那么多对我好的人
如果你读上了这篇文章，请你记得
你是我最熟悉的陌生人
虽然很多事我都很不愿意的让它发生
但既然发生了，我只好接受甚至必须坦然的面对


我走出了你带给我的黑影
 我想不到的是
原来你比我康复的还要快=)


如果某某人看到了这里，请你不要难过
因为你比任何人都还要清楚我是谁。

says

Sometimes it can hurt so badly by words,attitudes,actions.
It hurts not because the matter are,but you.
I don't know if I hurt you the same way,I would like to hug you and kiss your forehead now but..
The only thing I can do is to say sorry.
Sorry for making you worry for long day night.
Sorry for hurting your with my words.
I just feel bad tonight.
You might not understand how I feel now,but it doesn't matter anymore.
I just wish to care for you closer,nearer.
Every single words you said to me I can never forget.
Do YOU know why?I just love you.
Every words I bear in mind so that I could be better for you.
You're in my head and I can't get you out
You're in there eating away at all my thoughts, clouding my judgments, just taking over everything.
My imagination is running wild, we already had plenty of conversations.
I remember the song you sang to me past two days "Take over control."
Am I crazy over you?
She said better don't and I don't wish too.
But it says sometimes things are not under control and it make no sense at all.

People cry not because they're weak,
It's because they've been strong for too long.

Sometimes I don't even feel like talking because words are too hurtful.

ＭＯＶＥ ＯＮ

every time i want to remember you..
i close my eyes..
i haven't seen you in so long..

i close my eyes..
remembering images..memories..pictures..
the first thing that i remember
is that picture of you..
i feel like that picture spoke to me..
calling out for me..
i longed to be there with you
i long to be with you..

i daydream all the time..
most of my day im thinking of you..
my mind keeps drifting to you..

i get mad at myself..
im forgetting
i dont want to forget..
i dont remember anymore..
it was so long ago..
it hurts so much that i dont remember..

i forgot so many things..
but what i will always have is the way that u made me feel..

i feel small and inadequate now..
no one has ever made me feel that special..

i close my eyes again..
thinking of you..
looking so handsome.
you hugged me so tight
that u cried..
i couldn't believe it u cried..

i long for that hug
i long for that day

its not healthy to think about u like this..
i cant help myself..
i try
i try

till today songs on the radio remind me of you.
i cant even listen to them..
it hurts so bad..

i wish that one day you pick up the fone and call me..
and tell me
that you miss me
and that you will always love me..

its pathetic that i still have hope..
i wait for news that you guys ended ur marriage.
i know thats mean..
but i think that we are meant to be..
and that we are destined to be together..

so naive..
i think deep down im still that naive girl..
yearning for love and attention..

in my sleep i usually wake up with tears..
another day without you..
do you know that ever day i look at my phone
hoping for a msg a call anything from you

every day i wake up a little bit disappointed
every night i dream of you and hope that you come back..

i am lost without you
i am not complete..

if i hear someone talk like that id think there so corny
im not usually the romantic mushy type..
this is from my heart..

i dream of you
i wait for you
i long for you
i am still madly deeply in love with you..

to my sadness and despair..this is still the case..

dear god..please get me out of this..
i want to be ok
i want to move on..

i will go to bed..
still with hope in my heart.. 

－ＣＯＰＩＥＤ－