feeling.

sitting next to them with the lights on.
thinking of my problems.
i wanted to solve my own way.
i always whisper to god.
hugging my pillow hardly
drop my tears on my pillow.
struggling inside deeply.
who knows?
you?she or he?
i always try  my best to share.
yeah,is always.
but the result shows that it's better for me to keep it.
i wonder how's others did it .
sometimes i feel so stupid to myself.


i just want to have a simple life.
i don't understand what's life for?
of course i want a happy life,
but how?
you want me to think positively.
i tried.
and what comes after the way?
pains that i couldn't bring it away.
i am really afraid that one day i will immune to it.
maybe some of you don't believes that i whisper to god before.
i am telling the truth,and how pathetic i am.
and i know there must be its own reason why god created me this way.
this is the reason why am i still here today.
peoples who don't know me and think that i am arrogant is because they don't know the real me yet.
i always wanted to give the real me to all of you.
nobody knows,how struggling i am.
no one likes to pretend.
those who pretend doesn't meant they are lier.
don't judge a book by it's cover  ...
i  always want him to understand me more,
but it's always not.
i don't give a blame on him.
i understand him,
sometimes i talk cruel infront of him.
i felt sorry.
girls,please tell me that you don't need your boyfriend to understand and comfort you ,
and i will do the same.
words can kill someone if he or she is important to you.
pretty true.
those words never fade away from my mind.
i listen and i accept it.
i can't do any better.
it really kill me but no one realize..
i can't force others to think at my side.
but to him,
i hope he could understand how depress i am.

sometimes, a smile could be the most painful thing in life